Classic Rock Virgin & The Pink Floyd Fanatics
by NEXUS2
Summary: A normal 12-year-old girl comes across some very, very obsessive people...


The girl walked up to the door and knocked. Maybe the people here could phone up her parents and tell them where she was. The girl was lost – how she got lost is not important. What is important is she's been walking for an hour now and wanted to go home. This building she found was the first building she'd seen in ages. In fact, it was the only building she can see in this place wherever she was.

It was a very odd building. For some reason it was shaped like a prism. The prism was stuck onto a big, white wall. Maybe this odd, huge triangle was the door and the wall was the building. The girl looked at it. It was very high…

The door opened.

"Who are you?" asked the man who opened the door.

"I'm lost," said the girl, "Can I come in?"

"Okay, Lost" replied the man. The girl didn't bother telling him her name.

The girl and the man walked down the big corridor. "Oh Mother," said the man to no one in particular, "Why did you have to build this place so high?" They soon stopped at a door. It was the only door there. The man opened the door and…

"Hello!" said the ten thousand and fifty people in the big room. And the room was very big, indeed. It was the biggest room the girl had ever seen! It was bigger than her house! The girl and the man entered the room and they both sat at a table. "Welcome, my son, er daughter," the man who brought the girl in corrected himself in a deep, dramatic voice, "Welcome to the Machine." The girl was about to ask why the room was called that but the man interrupted her. "Where have you been? It's all right – we know where you've been. You've been in the pipeline, filling in time, provided with toys and 'Scouting For Boys', er, 'Girls'. You brought a guitar to punish your ma –"

"Er…no," said the girl. What's he talking about?

Someone knocked at the door. Everyone fell silent. The girl heard a voice say, "Hello? Is there anybody in there? Just nod if you can hear me." Then the door opened. A young boy entered, grinning to himself. Everyone cheered. The boy walked up to the man who was talking to the girl. The man said to the boy, "Ah, you didn't like school, and you know you're nobody's fool, right?"

The boy nodded and said, "Yes. I was at school and told my teacher that I don't need his education or his thought control. He was using too much dark sarcasm in the classroom anyway."

The man nodded. "So welcome to the Machine."

This, the girl thought to herself, must be some kind of Moron Convention. The man carried on talking. "Come here, dear boy, have a cigar."

A cigar?! He's underage. The guy must be a looney. She's in a mental hospital. Everyone here seems to be talking nonsense…

The girl was starting to get scared. She wanted to leave right now. This instant!

The girl saw a man with a nametag on his jacket reading "Jack". The man called Jack went up to the young boy. The boy was counting some money. 

"Hey," said Jack, "you're looking a bit pale. I'll look after that money for you."

The boy turned round and said, "I'm all right, Jack, keep your hands off my stack!" The boy waved the money in front of Jack. "Money, it's a hit! Don't give me that goody good bullshit."

"Oh _yeah_?" asked Jack with a big grin on his face.

"Yeah," replied the boy coolly, "I'm in the high-fidelity first class travelling set and I think I need a Lear jet."

"I have one," Jack replied, "I'm setting its controls for the heart of the sun."

"You're a load of lunatics!" the girl cried.

"No," said the man who kept going on about machines, "The lunatic is on the grass."

A fat bloke with a black t-shirt with a picture of the prism on it walked up to the man – possibly the leader of this strange group – and said, "Hey, it's time to eat!" The girl noticed that the man was carrying a balloon. A pig balloon. What kind of balloon was that? To make one that looks like a pig…?

The leader nodded. He stood on the table and shouted, "Silence in the studio! It's time to eat. But first…let's pray."

Everyone put their hands together and looked down. But this wasn't the usual prayer normal people said before they ate. This one was…weird.

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want  
He makes me down to lie  
Through pastures green he leadeth me the silent waters by  
With bright knives he releaseth my soul  
He maketh me to hang on hooks in high places  
He converteth me to lamb cutlets  
For lo, he hath great power, and great hunger  
When cometh the day we lowly ones  
Through quiet reflection and great dedication  
Master the art of karate  
Lo, we shall rise up  
And then we'll make the bugger's eyes water."

Everyone stopped and took some food off the table. Everyone ate while standing up and talked a lot. In fact, everyone was talking except for her. Someone noticed this and walked up to her.

"You're not talking!" the man observed, "It doesn't have to be like this. All you got to do is keep talking."

The girl noticed a weak, old man cut a piece of bread in half. He smiled. Then he cut it into little pieces. "I knew that one of these days," said the old man, "I'd cut it into little pieces." The man picked up the bits of bread and ate them.

The girl had to get out of here. She told the leader, "Er, hi…I think I should be going now."

The leader nodded. "Tell me your address. I can take you home – I have a bike, we can ride it if you like. You're the kind of girl I'd take back home if she wanted to go."

"Well…listen," said he girl, "I think I'll go on my own. Is that okay?"

The leader nodded and carried on eating his food. The girl went out through the door and everyone cried, "Shine on you crazy diamond!"

The girl quickly shut the door. Freaks! She turned on her Walkman and began listening to pop music as she left the building. 


End file.
